happiest day ever.

I logged onto Blogger today to change my header, when WHAT DO YOU KNOW something AMAZING caught my eye.

What is so ingeniously incomprehendibly wonderful, you ask?

Blogger added like a gazillion new beautiful fonts to the list of choices. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME. I went through every single one about three times, trying so hard to decide. They are all so beautiful. Of course I'm going to memorize them. I'll probably change this blog's font every week, just to keep you guessing. I feel like a whole new world has just been opened up to me. I might just burst into a song from Aladdin.

Or not.

behind the scenes.

The makeup room is crowded and hot.

You fight for a spot in front of the mirror

and pile on thick white foundation,

crying while your director teases your hair,

and you watch yourself transform

from a plain, ordinary girl

to an old woman or a rich man.

Today you’re a dark-eyed zombie.

You slip your uniform over your head

and pull your stockings over your legs,

lace up your boots and hold your breath

while someone stuffs you in a corset.

Your director appears to tells you it’s time.

You hum your way backstage and join hands

and bow your head to ask for God’s help.

Then you silently slip behind the set and wait.

You wait for seconds that seem like years.

You run your lines through your head

and realize you’ve forgotten all of them.

All you hear is the pounding hearts

and stiff breathing of your family around you.

The lights go down. The audience grows quiet.

The judge’s pen is poised against his spiral.

Red lights fade in on you at the sound of the music,

a few ominous booms and cautious chords.

You stand up and face your audience.

- MELISSA RENEE

jar of hearts

Who do you think you are?
Running round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

- Christina Perri

Jane Austen Meets Taio Cruz

This made my day...week...LIFE(:

Black & White

What used to be so black and white

Is now just gray and out of sight

We’ve blurred the lines that used to be

They’re just a distant memory

All the things we know are wrong

We do them just to get along

All the things we know are right

Are lost in the fog, no longer white

What made us choose this road?

We’re not the people we used to know

The pressure from every direction

Pulls at us, destroys perfection

Everything that used to be

Is all just a dream to me

Where did we lose our soul?

We stopped, dropped, and let it roll

There’s no turning back this time

My body is no longer mine

We believe there’s no use pretending

There’s no such thing as a happy ening

My life I gave, but for what fight?

I died rediscovering black and white.

[for my school, me, and the general student body with all its ignorance. please don't copy, thanks.]

New Year's Resolutions

Wow, this is lame. I actually am going to blog about this? But I want to make this year count. 2011 is going to change something; I can feel it. (P.S: Share YOUR resolutions in the "comments" section!)

• Read my Bible more often. Seeing as I hardly read it at all, there's plenty of room for improvement. I try -- really, I do.
• Expand my cooking abilities. I think everyone will be happier.
• Grow out my hair. Again. I'll probably just chop it all off anyways.
• Get above a 95 average in all of my classes. So close!
• Be a better friend. I don't think there's ever a moment where you can be too good of a friend.
• Take photos. Lots of photos.
• Finish reading A Tale of Two Cities. The mere thought scares the Dickens out of me. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

2011, you are going to be a very hard year.

a note on love.

How does it feel to have a heart that's beyond breaking?

Can you feel anything at all anymore?

You're looking for love so desperately

but trust me. You'll never find it.

You already have love, true love,

the greatest love ever known to anyone,

and you don't even see it.

The Creator of the Universe is madly in love with you,

but you don't even notice. You don't even care.

You pretend it doesn't matter, but I can see your pain.

If you have Love like that, you don't need anything else.

If you have God's love, no one else's love really matters.

Irrevocable. Unconditional. Eternal.

Isn't that enough?

[for a friend]

I got a tumblr. follow me!

I gave in to the temptation.

I got a tumblr.

I'm hoping it will be more inspiring and visual,

rather than the Jesus-flavored fake narcissism that resides on this blog

(not that the words Jesus, fake, and narcissism should exist in the same sentence).

Don't freak out -- this wonderfully snarktastic blog isn't going anywhere.

So now follow me on tumblr: maybe molly

tumblr.

So I just discoverd tumblr.

If it was a guy, I'd marry it.

But it's not. So.....yeah.

Bowling, Rapping, & Crazy Dancing

In 2nd period today, we hopped in the bus and went to the slightly creepy bowling alley that smells like fried pickles. There's an arcade in the back, which makes it even scarier, since I have a fear of arcades.

I was working with the special ed kids and scoring a steady stream of 0's (until today, I had never bowled without bumpers). And let me tell you, I looked oh-so-hot in my neon purple socks and red+puke green bowling shoes.

Then the speakers explode with the pounding beats of Eminem, and suddenly I'm [trying to] rap and I'm dancing crazily in front of my friend. Then everyone notices and they make fun of me, but I know they're secretly just jealous of my mad skills.

It's times like that I'll always remember; times when I wasn't afraid to step out of the norm and just be myself, as weird as I am. I'll remember this day because I danced and rapped without caring who saw me, just for the fun of it, just because I could.

What's the point of life if you're not going to have fun with it?

10.31.10

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Disco Curtis. Look it up. Listen. Enjoy. :)

WHAT I'M RAPPING: Handlebars - Flobots . You wish you were this cool.

WHAT I'M READING: Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (for the sixth time)

WHAT I'M WATCHING: The Rangers play the World Series. Actually, that's a lie. My mom's watching that. I'm just mentally rooting for them.

WHAT I'M WANTING: South Korean dresses (like this one)

WHAT I'M PONDERING: "We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." - George Bernard Shaw

8 Questions

1) If you could go ANYWHERE in the world, where would it be and why?
Some tiny uninhabited island with dolphins and birds.

2) If you were a tree, would kind would you be?
A cherry blossom tree.

3) Would you rather skydive or explore a deep, dark cave? (why)
Skydiving. I am deathly afraid of the dark and sleep with a nightlight which I pretend is for my little siblings. And I am also afraid of the Loch-Ness-Monster-wannabes that live in water inside caves.

4) If you could wear clothing from any time period (without being seen as odd), what would it be?
Who cares about being odd. Seriously, I am odd and I'll own up to it. That being said, I love the 80's. Or the 1700s. Either one will do. Maybe a fusion of both...?

5) Would you be willing to sing an opera song at the top of your lungs in the middle of a mall for a hundred dollars?
I'd do it for $20, sweetie.

6) Would you rather have an amazing castle beside a lake or a cottage by the sea? (why?)
Castle. Because then I'd invite Maddy, Morgan, Becca, and Katie, and we'd all go over to my place and make that castle-y movie like we always wanted. And I would so love to rub it in Morgan's face that I, her little punk almost-sister, was the one who ended up with the castle in Scotland. Bazinga, Morgan. Bazinga.

7) If you could change your hair color to any color, what would it be?
RED! It is my dream to wake up one day with pale skin and flaming red hair.

8) Would you rather live in a tree house or fly away with a balloon?
Tree house. Fly away with a balloon? Eventually it would pop, and that would end all the fun.

15

Yes, it's true...yesterday was everyone's favorite day of the year.

My birthday.

I am fifteen. Gosh I am so little.

*bursts into Taylor Swift song*

I had to stay at school until 8:15pm to rehearse an Irish play we're doing on Thursday and Friday. Everyone brought candy and stuffed animals and stuff to school and my theatre friends made 3 cakes for me (with "Happy Birthday" written in Gaelic -- yeah, be jealous). I ate until my head hurt and I thought I was going to puke. I probably doubled my body weight but it was totally worth it.

PLUS, I got to spend some time with my Mom and Rachel  at my two favorite places in the world, Ulta and Olive Garden, and my parents gave me a promise ring. :)

6:30

Every morning at six-thirty, I wake up and gradually get out of bed, walk to the mirror, and smile.

My hair is a mess, last night's mascara is smudged, and I look like I've just been hit by a truck, but I smile anyway.

It changes your whole day.

The Cutest Little Freshman You'll Ever See

School is good. Except the learning part. That's gotta go.

The theatre people are so awesome. I think it's funny how you can always tell who those people are. They have a reputation for being crazy, but I like them. They've sort of "adopted" me, I guess. Every time I speak, they say, "Awww...she's so cute...!"

I don't have a single group of friends yet. I like the theatre kids a lot but since they're older I don't get to see them outside of drama class. I move around, but I usually sit with the popular girls and some guys for lunch and sit with the gay kids and the goth kids in the morning. I really don't know how that worked out. I found a girl who likes to share her cookies, chips, and gum with me because she says I'm too skinny, so that's cool. When it comes down to it, I usually just sit and pretend to be very interested in my nails or a scratch on the table.

Fishy

Tomorrow, I become a high schooler.

I have been really upset about it, but then out of the blue Rachel called me today and it's nice to know that someone else is nervous. Then my nana called, and people at church have encouraged me, so I'm feeling a little better. Talking to sweet Gillian also helped. :)

My biggest worry, besides not having friends despite the fact that I am a very social gal, is that I will be in over my head in homework and theatre and everything. I'm doing all advanced classes and so I'm just waiting to see if I can handle it.

Another big reason for my worries? Here we go.....I'm really dependent and I don't have much common sense. I'm smart, but I haven't been in school since I was in first grade, and that was private school. I don't like to feel alone and I don't like things resting solely on my shoulders. Plus, as you know, I am a huge procrastinator.

So tomorrow I will become a fishy. I will straighten my hair (again), put on some vanilla-scented perfume, gloss my lips and arrive at high school with just a notebook and a pencil.

Oh yeah, I think God will be there, too.

Old and Uncool

The other day I was at the pool with my family. We'd been there a while and I was bored, so I swam up to my 8-year-old brother Elijah, who was playing with his "friends" that he had just met.
I asked, "What are you playing?" in the hopes that I could join in.
Au contraire.
Elijah pulled me aside and said quietly, "Melissa..." He couldn't look at my face.
"What?" I asked.
He bites his lip. "I'm playing with my friends."

Suddenly I got it.
My little brother was too cool to have his lame older sister around while he played with his friends.
I couldn't even swim in the general vincinity without embarassing the poor dear.
I was an oldie, too irrelevant and old-fashioned and not in with the times.
I use terms like "flipping" and "bazinga" and he was probably horribly afraid that I would unleash my slightly-too-loud laugh and his little buddies would hear it. Oh PLEASE, not the laugh! Anything but the laugh!

It's great to know the confidence my family has in me.

Contradictions

Is it possible to be deep and shallow at the same time?

Is it possible to be the opposite of yourself?

Can you contradict who you are?

I feel like a Starburst.

I’m a pack of contradictions.

20 Things You (Probably) Don't Know About Me

1. I love emo hair and black nail polish. I really don't know why. That's not even my "look" or anything.

2. I get really mad when people are prejudice against people who are "different". If you have trouble being nice to an emo, someone with tattoos, or anyone you judge because of how they look, I have trouble being nice to you.

3. I love things that most people don't love, like outrageous red snakeskin heels and other items of clothing that people think of as "ugly". Nobody knows this, though. Like, nobody.

4. I have this obnoxious big smile and I don't really like it, especially when everyone around me gives these tiny little semi-smiles.

5. I love rain. I love cold weather. Like in Forks, Washington. Mostly because vampires live there. So why exactly do I live in Texas? Hmm....

6. When I'm concentrating really hard, I stick out my tongue a little.

7. I like indie pop music.

8. I have my entire wedding planned out, as well as the names and genders of my future children. My problem is that I only want 2-3 kids, but I have so many awesome names. (Haven and Oliver...so cute!)

9. I'm not as close to God as I'd like to think.

10. Even though I hang out with people who are older than me sometimes, I always feel like I'm the oldest person in the room. I told one of my older friends this and she said I was stuck up, but then she laughed and said "just kidding". Yeah. Thanks. It's not like I think I'm better than them or anything, I just have a strong personality and most people follow me instead of me following them. I think that's why.

11. I sometimes hate myself. Mainly because I'm a procrastinator and can't keep my room clean. But also because I skipped ahead in Breaking Dawn and ruined the whole book for myself.

12. I sing in the shower. I belt it out. Turns out that people can still hear me in there. Great.

13. My glass is half-empty. Almost half-full, but not quite.

14. I wish I was pale. But no, I am tan. Gah.

15. I am a "what-if" person. Being sure of the fact that I'm going to die any second now is part of my everyday life. I'm constantly thinking, "There's a car. I'm in the front seat. If we crash, which we probably will, the airbags will snap my spine. It'll be fast. I'm ready to die. OK." I watch the car drive by, and I'm still alive, so I wait for the next one. Etc.

16. Shy people annoy me. I don't get them. Some of my best friends are shy. My awesomeness freaks them out sometimes. I find immense pleasure in embarassing them by talking too loud or doing something silly in public. So yeah. Nick Jonas and I would probably kill each other.

17. I am terrified of old age. Like Bella from Twilight. Like, it seriously scares me, creeps me out like nothing else in the world. I'm not afraid of old people. I like them. I'm afraid of me as an old person. Scary.

18. I am a people watcher. I get wierd stares all the time.

19. I was married once. To a girl. It didn't work out. (To those of you who are about to call me gay, I'm not. It was an inside joke thing.)

20. I admire people who are real and don't change who they are just because they'd be less different if they did.

How to Blog like Melissa

When I’m in a blogging mood (which is almost always) there are certain things I do – blogging rituals, if you will – that get my creative juices flowing. There are also certain things that always seem to come up in my writing due to how my brain works. So here it is, the long-awaited, epic guide on how to blog like me.

• Listen to Justin Bieber. If you want to truly reflect my writing style, you MUST listen to Justin Bieber while you write future posts. This is very important.

• Think like a girl. Or, if you’re less gracious, think like you have ADHD. While I’m blogging, I’m also thinking about the lifeguard at the pool, the outfit I want to wear the next day, what my makeup will look like, the party I’m going to that week, all while I’m singing the super-fast rap part of “Baby”. Oh yeah. You wish you were that cool.

• Make a lot of really lame jokes that only you get. Your readers won’t get the reference to the fifth chapter of Eclipse that you slipped in there. Trust me. They’ll just think you came up with that on your own. (UNLESS you’re referencing the “tent scene”.) Like when I said “you can Google it” in my post about CPR. That was a reference to Twilight when Edward says, “You can Google it.” Yeah. I told you it was lame.

• Casually mention Nick Jonas, Taylor Lautner, or Justin Bieber in at least 20% of your posts. OK, if you’re a guy, skip this step. Please.
• Tag the Gospel message at the end of each post. You must almost ALWAYS have some reference to Jesus if you want to blog like me. EXAMPLE: “Then Taylor Lautner and I jumped on a horse and galloped off into the sunset. Speaking of Jesus, He died for you. What? We weren’t talking about Jesus? Oh. Well, now that you mention Him….” OR: “Rachel and I went to see Eclipse. It was awesome! You know, that reminds me a lot of God’s love….” Once I even wrote a post about burgers and tied it into being God’s disciple. Seriously.