Bulliten Bloopers

Bored? Read these bloopers from church bullitens.

The tradition of holy howlers popping up in religiously related documents continues undimmed.
Witness the following sampling of bona fide bloopers culled from various church bulletins and orders of service:

 The laides of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they can be seen in the church basement Friday afternoon.
 On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.
 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
 The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."
 This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
 The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
 Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the study.
 Wednesday, the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Clark will sings, "Put Me in My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.
 Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
 Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
 The eighth-greaders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
 Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care mcuh about you.
 Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
 Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
 Don't let worry kill you off -- let the church help.

Long may these bloopers live. Such unintentional levity brings lightness as well as light to many an otherwise dry church bulletin.