The Scoop on Speed Dating

I was checking my email a few days ago and at the top of the page, an ad showed a picture of a man and a woman smiling together. The ad read, "SPEED DATING: 12 DATES IN AN HOUR".
My eyes widened. 12 dates in just one hour? It was meant to be a shocker, and it did shock me, but not in the way the ad’s creator’s intended. Would someone really want 12 dates in an hour? You would only be able to see the outside of your date. There would be no time to talk much about serious subjects.

So, you sign up for the speed dating, give the manager some cash, and drive to Le Buttered Snail, an overpriced French restaurant.

You: sitting at table in fancy restaurant.
Date: walks in, smiling.
You: "Hey! I’m Greg."
Date: shakes your hand. "Hi, I’m Ka—"

Then she is whisked away. Another girl appears in the doorway.

Date: comes to you, but trips over chair and falls. "Ouch!"
You: stand up quickly and rush to her aid. You help her stand up.
Date: smiles. "Why, thank you." checks watch. "Oh, look at the time! Gotta run!"

Oh, yes, very romantic. *rolls eyes*