My Aunt Shana died of cancer last night. She's been struggling with this for two long years. We went to the hospital to see her Saturday. She couldn't even move, speak, or even open her eyes. All she could do was hear us say we love her. She would try to talk to us, but you couldn't make out what she was saying. Even at death's door, Heidi Klum would be jealous. My aunt was so beautiful, God's closest thing to perfect.
I have never been so close to death before and actually understood it. Her breath was shallow, her abdomen swollen from the tumor, she couldn't see or speak or move. She was being fed through a tube. Her husband and 4 children were all tired of crying. My uncle said, "God bless her, she fought the good fight, that she did."
April, her oldest daughter, was in Rome. She had to fly home early when she got the news and rushed to the hospital. She brushed her mother's hair and six minutes later my aunt died.
It seems so unfair. Why her, God? She's never said a mean word in her life! Why her family, God? Her youngest isn't even married yet....Why couldn't You let her live to see him happy? Why not let a murderer die in her place? Why, why, why?
I don't see how anything good could come out of something so terrible...death so close...hearts so broken. But I don't see a lot of things. I can be at peace because God sees everything. Aunt Shana is with God right now, in paradise, free from the cancer that plagued her before. She's free. And I'm going to see her again, I know. It doesn't heal the wound completely, but it makes you feel a little better.
So, what does death mean for us? To be honest, I am scared of death, of pain and of feeling myself shut down, of coming to the end of the road. As a Christian, you might think that you're not supposed to be scared of death. Don't. It's OK to be scared, just remember where you find life. God doesn't fade away, so when you give your life to Him, it's in good hands. It can't ever fade and you'll have it forever.
"We do not want you to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again so we believe that God will bring with jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him." - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." - Revelation 21:4
I'm so SORRY! :(
ReplyDeleteHold on to Him...He isn't a deceitful brook. He is the fountain of living water from which we drink and never truly die. Where o death is your sting? Where o death is your victory? They have been conquered by Jesus Christ! He is our Living Water. May His peace which transcends all understanding be with you during this time.
ReplyDeleteBy His Grace,
Lane
Thanks everyone. I'll be OK; it's her family I feel miserable for. I mean, they are such amazing people. It's just...you know.
ReplyDeleteI'll pray too. I kinda had the thought while reading the post above that death might be kinda like going backwards down a waterside for the first time. You're scared (come on, I'm not the only one) and you're wondering if you're going to love it like crazy or get motion sickness. You just have to trust the lifeguard. You slip in are going really fast and you're freaking out. It's dark and you keep bumping the sides. The previous passengers' screams of delight and terror aren't helping at the moment. Then you're finally out. You float a little down the lazy river after you get some water up your nose. You recover in an instant cuse that was one wicked ride! I'm not sure if I'd want to die again cuse I wouldn't be able to bear the thought of leaving my Master's presence. I will be glad that I went through it all for then I will receive my reward - spending eternity with my Father, the awesomest person in the universe!Eternity. Gosh that's hard for me to grasp. Can't wait to get there! =) Jesus loves you! and you're whole family, and everyone =)
ReplyDeleteCool anology. Thanks for the prayer everybody.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, Melissa.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Daddy.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. As lame-o as that sounds, it's true. And I guess that counts for something.
ReplyDeleteMelissa sorry I haven't written to you sooner. I had a hard time reading this post. My grandma went through the same symtoms. I lost her the same way. her last words to Lauren and I were "Hi girls". That didn't even come out very clearly. I remember holding her hand as she slowly slipped from my fingers, her hands so soft and warm. That was the last time I felt her hand or touched her skin with blood runnign through it. In the viewing, people rubbed her cold plasticy hands then would walk away with watery eyes. I must say very clearly that I did not touch those hands, I couldn't. I will never regret that desision. Because now, her soft hands and her last words to my sister and I are memories of her that i will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeletesorry if I was rambling. It is just nice to let it out every once in a while.
Sorry for your loss Melissa. Your aunt will be in my prayers. I love you!
Wow, Rachel. I luv you. When I saw you at your grandma's funeral, crying uncontrollably, I didn't really know what to do or say, so I did nothing but hug you. I wish I could have told you I loved you or something, but I didn't think about it then because I didn't fully understand. I had never experienced death closely. I had no idea what was going on inside you.
ReplyDeleteI know i read this way late, but i'm so sorry Melissa. I've been to two funerals this week, one a baby, the other a special needs lady. It's hard to see, to go thro. This post was amazing, its everything i've been thinking about lately. All i could think to pray for u and all those other people is that God would hold ya'll close, and that they'd realize exactly what u said, they're free.
ReplyDeletelylas <3
Thanks, love.
ReplyDeletelylas